I puked a lego.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
