yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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