You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
