I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
