overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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