I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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