Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
