i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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