Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
