If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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