Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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