I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize