I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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