Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
