Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
