we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
