after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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