The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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