There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
