Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
