My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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