Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
