i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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