How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
