Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
