Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
