Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
