In the future we'll all be gay
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
