i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize