We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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