why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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