WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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