She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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