Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
