The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
