So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
