If that was your dad, he is hot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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