From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
