come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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