I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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