I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
