Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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