Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
