Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i've created a new STD.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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