oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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