He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize