where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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