I hate all girls vehemently.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
