her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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