The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
