Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
