Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
