i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
