When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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