Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize