My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
barbara walters just said penis...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
