If i come over, it means nothing
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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