While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
