Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
