So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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