After last night, I could never be a politician.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
