Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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