I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize