i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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