I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
