You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
