I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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