I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
