Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
