Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize