just tell him i said nine months
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
