he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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