But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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