My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
