were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
