A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And the cops told us we were all naked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize