omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
