I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
