I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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