Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
