That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
