I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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