I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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