I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
