You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
