I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
