i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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