My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
