batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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