haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I look better un-naked...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
