tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
