just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
