Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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