just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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