I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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