Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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