stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize