I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
