In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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