you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am one with the molecules
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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