Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
