the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
