omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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