Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize