Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
