The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
