he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
