My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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