i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
