Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
