He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
